Alayna Milby, director of community engagement at Hope Harbor in Bowling Green, said she views labels in a different light. 

Milby, who has been comfortable in her bisexual identity for years, has recently realized that she is also nonbinary. 

For her, labels are necessary. 

“I do think labels are important to people,” she said. “I think it is a part of validation, you know? Putting a name to the way you feel and knowing that others feel the same way so that you know you’re not crazy.”

Milby said she can understand why others may feel constricted by labels.

“I see the argument of someone saying, ‘Oh no, these words don’t describe me,’ but there may be a word out there for you if you really want one,” she said. 

While Milby finds comfort in labels, she said there is still work to be done inside and outside of the LGBTQ community to provide acceptance to different identities.

Milby said that some of the most hurtful things she has heard about bisexual people have come from gay men. 

“Some of the most hurtful things that were so disappointing to hear was this idea that bi people can’t make up their minds, and they’re selfish,” Milby said.

She said she thinks this mainly comes from the binary that our society is built around and how some LGBTQ identities, like bisexual, pansexual, nonbinary and transgender, challenge that binary. 

“I think nonbinary people are kind of the bi people of gender identity,” she said laughing. “Here we are existing in this nonbinary fluid space, and everybody else is living in this binary mindset. So I’m like the queer outcast of gender identity and sexual identity.”

Aside from correcting cishet norms, Parson said there is also work to be done to diminish toxic words that promote gatekeeping, the act of limiting access to something, within the LGBTQ community. One example is a gold star lesbian, or a lesbian who has never slept with a man, according to Cassie Sheets from pride.com.

“If I hear the term ‘gold star lesbian’ one more time I am going to lose it,” Parson said. 

Parson said they have heard many people use this term, and it is a part of the problem of labels within the LGBTQ community

 because, while it may have been created as a term of camaraderie, it is highly exclusionary. 

Even terms like “butch” and “femme” can be harmful to people struggling to find their identity, they said. 

“I think a lot of those terms started with good intentions to give people a box to fit into, but what about people who don’t fit into that box or who fit into multiple boxes” they said. “It’s very exclusive.”

Starmer echoed this notion and said they think terms like “butch” and “femme” only serve as more boxes for people to check off. 

“It creates this expectation and people shouldn’t have to feel the need to fulfill that expectation,” they said. 

No matter what label one chooses to align with, Milby said that every identity should be respected. 

“There are people who identify as fairies, as nymphs, as all sorts of things,” she said. “I think it can be freeing because it’s so validating.”

While Starmer and Parson may wish for a world in which labels aren’t necessary, they can agree with Milby in how labels can provide comfort to individuals struggling to find their place in the world. 

“I’m the type of person who likes finding answers,” Starmer said, reflecting on how they felt when they realized they were bisexual. “Finding that label gave me a lot of peace. As soon as I came out to myself, I grew more confident, I chopped my hair off, I just felt more at home with myself. I felt like me.”